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UPDATED NOVEMBER 5, 2001 6:38 PM

RUMSFELD SAYS
BIN LADEN HAS STUDIED IN VIA NARNI

Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld, right, accompanied by Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Gen. Richard Myers, said today that the Pentagon has several more evidence of Bin Laden's frequency in Via Narni. "The way he speaks english is a decisive element: he has the worst possible pronunciation".

MILAN MAYOR SAYS
VIA NARNI CAN BE A TARGET

The Mayor Gabriele Albertini said today that officials have "credible evidence" that terrorists may be targeting via Narni. Immediate reaction from the Church: sperimentation must go on. All the catholics have been asked to pray.

LAST MINUTE
Incredible:
Antonia Cappelli
(naked ?) on NARNI VOSTRI calendar 2002

"I'm not a weathercock" said to our correspondent Antonia Cappelli. "I had promised that if I had won the public competition I'd have my pictures taken for the NARNI VOSTRI 2002 calendar. It's time to keep one's word". "Are you going to be naked on the pictures ?" asked our correspondent. "I've signed a contract beyond revocation which is very strict. I can't give you any anticipation". Thus repling Antonia Cappelli was taken by her body guards to the class.
Voices about the pictures are spreading all over Via Narni. An informed anonymous told our correspondent that an important film director has asked Antonia Cappelli to play the remake of Fellini's "La dolce vita" together with Alvaro Vitali and Francesco Salvi. A heavy demonstration of the students is expected for next week.

VIP's joining
our Christmas party

WHAT ABOUT YOU ?

SIMPLY DISAPPEARED

We have not seen him for three weeks. Professor Carmelo Diliberto seems to be vanished. Someone says he has joined the army to fight against Talebans; others say he has moved to the morning school; others again say he is trying to enter the house of the "grande fratello". Indeed nobody really knows where he is.
If you see him, please e-mail to "the Narnier".

ECONOMIC DEPRESSION
CAUSED BY THE WAR

The negative effects on economics, produced by the war, have affected the estimated balance sheet of Via Narni. Authorities have come to the point of cutting down the expenses. As a consequence, from the next week the supply for soap and toilet paper will be stopped. Students and teachers are requested to rid themselves of troubles.

COMPLAINT

The director regrets to verify that many students dead during the lessons forget to fall down on the ground. Such habit has to be stopped immediatly because it becomes impossible to realise whether a student is still alive or not. From now on, severe measures will be taken towards infringers.

The Director

WEATHER FORECASTS

Via Narni               10°
Via Don Calabria 23°
Cascina Gobba     20°
Piazza Udine        22°
Via Palmanova    20°
Brucoli Inn              9°

THERE'S NO FEAR OF ANTHRAX

No signs of anthrax were reported on Professor Agate's car. Officials said no new illnesses, just a dirty car.

WEDNESDAY
SPORT

Tennis Table matches:

single

AGATE vs. LOFRESE
PICCIOTTO vs. SCATTAGLIA
PENSATO vs. RAIMONDI

double

AGATE-LOFRESE
vs.
SCATTAGLIA-RICCIO

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